She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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