Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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