grandma shit on top of the toilet
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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