Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
