so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
