If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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