my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
