i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
