Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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