Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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