He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
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how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
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I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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