I think scott just propositioned me for sex
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
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Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
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It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
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