I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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