If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
