Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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