yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
