if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
