Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
