You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
