he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Randomize
