I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
