You're completely useless in the revolution.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Boobs are out for the taking
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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