Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
