we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
