Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
