Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
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Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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