dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
