Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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