Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
