Just mADE A PArabola og urine
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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