i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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