fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
