IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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