The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
