In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
it hurts more in the daytime
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
