You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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