I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
