I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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