1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
