I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
