Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
