mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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