I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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