Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
