You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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