okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
