college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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