We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
