Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
