So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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