soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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