Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
