he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
