Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
