she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
