I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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