how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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