Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
