So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
