man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
