So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
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