Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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