When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i think im in europe. pls send help
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
