dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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