dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize