I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
