I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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