She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
