Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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