why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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