i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
