I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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