no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
