Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
