Three words: puerto rican gang bang
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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