my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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